†VITA CONVULSUS ANGELUS†

MOVING OUT!

2009-04-28T23:31:00.000-07:00

www.boykidlat.blogspot.com im moving out! leaving this blog! got a new blog. electrifying! kazzap!kzzt!

5 chapters of Darkness

2008-11-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

I once created 5 poems which evolved around the darkness of humanity and personality.It was a reflection of myself. The whole 5 chapters took me 4 years to finish.from 1st year HS to 4th yr HS. I came across the poems again lately.so I decided to post them here.one by one.

The first chapter is Doubt.An evil that destroys everything before it even starts...

Chapter 1
"Doubt"

I doubted my abilities
by not doing what I can do best
I chained myself to a wall
and will never be free like the rest

I doubted myself
by wearing a coward's mask
I hid myself with lies
and will never be able to do any task

I doubted my Heart
Believing I am worth no one
I pierced my heart with thorns
and will never be able to love anyone

I doubted my Life
by denying my existense now and then
I isolated myself from reality
and will never be able to live again

I doubted my whole world
I doubted Everything
I was fooled that doubting was searching
Such doubt made me fear everything

The 2nd Chapter is Fear the rotting carcass of your existense.

Chapter 2
"Fear"

I fear the Darkness
The Darkness of my heart
I did not risk to love
Such a complicated Art

I fear the images
Chimera in my mind
I did not risk to see
for I thought there is none to find

I fear the silence
Silence of my tears
I did not risk to listen
I decided to close my ears

I fear the Animosity
The bitterness of life
I did not risk to taste it
Everything is full of strife

I feared my own existence
Shivering with the coldness of demise
These fears made me bleed
bleed failures i dont need

The 3rd Chapter is failure the reeking scent of darkness.

Chapter 3
"Failure"

I failed to subsist
and live life to the fullest
I regret denying my existence
My life's pains so endless

I failed my Persona
Someone drenched with lies
I regret wearing a mask
such a deadly game of dice

I failed my limits
Evading my own abilities
I regret Chaining myself in a mirage
I created my own frailties

I failed my heart
a heart turned to stone
I regret not loving
Glorification with a False Crown

I failed yet succeeded...
Succeeded to be Mediocre
Everything is now Crimson Red
as I get overpowered with Hatred

The 4th chapter is Hatred. The Burning sensation that slowly eats up all sanity.

Chapter 4
"Hate"

I hated my Doubts
a foolish act for nothing
a sign of my great fall
I neglected what life could bring

I hated my fears
An excuse fit for cowards
The start of my great fall
I was hindered to go forward

I hated my failures
This punishment I am worth
The peak of my Great fall
I was judged harshly by Destiny

I hated myself
A man who lost all Heaven
The End of my Great fall
I only deserve to be forgotten

I hated so much
Such a Painful Ending
As the Devil in the pale moonligt dances
I lost all sense, I am slowly Dying

The last Chapter is Sense...because all darkness would soon slowly fade away...towards the light...

Chapter 5
"Sense"

I was blinded by darkness
blinded by lies...
but you showed me the light
and ended my cries

I was silenced by anger
anger from pain...
but you taught me how to speak
like the fierce thunder within a gentle rain

I was deafened by cries
cries of suffering...
but you showed me how to listen
with no more fear nor doubting

I was suffocated by Enigmas
Confusion and Guilt...
but you showed me how to breathe
A paradigm of hope we have built

I was numbed by loneliness
My heart was lonely...
but you have comforted me
By promising you will never leave me

I Doubted, Feared, Failed, and Hated
Death was certain
Hope was a Caustic Friend
My suffering no more, My journey ended.

Poetic Assertions

2008-11-14T08:14:00.000-08:00

"Will you still Love me in the Morning?"

A beautiful story
starts with Once upon a time
But certain tragedies
never seem to find its own rhyme

My sweaty hands
are running out of coins to roll
I need to ask now
But I cant stop shaking, I cant make the call

A simple question
that you might even laught at
I'll write it down!
But,No..It would be just a silly blot.

If you say yes
then our story is a fairytale
If you answer otherwise
then its a book worth selling at a garage sale

its 2:45am
you must be asleep and dreaming
Is it too late?
I must have spent too much time thinking

My mind is blocked
But I cant be moved,I wont be moved
I will keep writing
This may be the only way this love can be proved

I close my eyes
and smiled,you are such a wonderful thing
you taught me music
but now I faintly remember how to sing

I have to let this go
before my heart sank and drowns at sea
and this question...
Let this be buried in my grave with me...

fairytales...

tragedies...

whats the difference?..

FACEBOOK account

2008-11-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=632734163&ref=profile

click it.

Of Memories and tragedies...

2008-10-28T07:16:00.000-07:00

Im freakingly enjoying my time here in davao...This is perhaps the best davao trip I ever had...

10th Nationals Debate Championships was a blast...I love the experiece...I finally achieved one of my dreams...perfect...na sana...Hindi nga lang ako naka debate...sigh...anyways...I still had fun adjudicating the rounds...was sad though...I wasnt able to break.I saw lots of people...lots of old friends...lots of new friends... UP CEBU people!!! you guys(girls) are awesome! too bad davao aint used to seeing girls as ...err..*fiery* as you guys.till next time!!!party napud ta.

Nagkita din kami ni Sir Mervin Igpit!!!My HS teacher and adviser sa debating club.whew.I consider him as one of the most influential people that came to my life.tnx sir!!!kahit short time lang tayo nagkita it was relieving...

ang tatlong itlog nagkita kita na din!!! CEXAR!!!,MARVIN!!!,JULIO!!! vegas napud ta next time. text lang.I always have a great time when im with you guys...and marvin...libre na pud sa lachis ha?ha?ha?tnx!!! :D

well...everything was almost perfect...tsk tsk tsk...sige na lang...I have no place or time to discuss tragedies... it violates my spirit and my law...I am numb...and I smile...yes...I smile... kunti na lang...

"You will see the Joker will soon be the New King - Lordi" the theme for my current multiply theme.

2008-09-05T00:55:00.000-07:00

I created a new multiply theme with the theme from Lordi's song HardRock Hallelujah.

"You will see the Joker will soon be the new King! Rock and Roll angels bring that Hard Rock Halellujah!"

Its a heavy metal song but im sure you will enjoy this very much.im practicing my theme creations in multiply so if you want something done...just tell me.ill be glad to try.cant promise anything though. :p

Cross posting between multiply and blogger trial.

2008-09-04T23:28:00.000-07:00

this is a trial post. btw,check out the background image of my multiply.it took me 1 hour to finish that.:D

Peace~grant my consciousness thy eternal slumber

2008-07-17T04:33:00.000-07:00

Maha~Mantra

Hare Krisna

Hare Krisna

Krisna Krisna

Hare Hare

Hare Rama

Rama Rama

Hare HAre

ill say this with a smile... :)

2008-07-13T22:01:00.000-07:00

I LOVE BEING EVIL *pulse stop.* Never beat :)

I wonder why people actually bother reading my posts?

2008-07-11T08:30:00.000-07:00

just wondering...hahaha..nevermind.I want to write something today but cant seem to think of anything worth it...I got something in mind yesterday about War and the necessity of being evil.

"Evil is a normal human personality,it is what Carl Gustav Jung describes as the Shadow.Shadow exist when there is light, so evil is the result of goodness. Light is only recognized when there is shadow or darkness.Both are necessary.."

but that would be a drag to explain...and im tired of explaing such things.hahaha.so I decided to place in random thoughts in those posts.I wonder who actually reads my posts and tries to deal with my twisted mind.

Main Entry: 1rant
Pronunciation: \ˈrant\
Function: verb
Etymology: obsolete Dutch ranten, randen
Date: 1601
intransitive verb 1 : to talk in a noisy, excited, or declamatory manner 2 : to scold vehemently
transitive verb : to utter in a bombastic declamatory fashion
— rant·er noun
— rant·ing·ly \ˈran-tiŋ-lē\ adverb

You!who reads my blog.this is actually a test post...please leave a comment when you read my blog.I want to know if this blog is actually worth my already short lived life.

anyways, more rants!haha. im getting excited in our future film viewing about the trilogy of Hannibal Lecter's story in our Theories of Personality subject. Hannibal Lecter is a Forensic Psychologist.They say the deadliest criminals are those who know about forensic psychology and high knowledge about personality theories....whew.who knows. i might be the next hannibal lecter.ngasab!

"ngars!ill eat you alive and make your skin my furniture!"

Next rant!Debate,debate,debate. sigh. Managing our debating society in our school is pretty difficult.tsk tsk tsk. we were down to 4 members then and 1 adviser then we screened for new members wherein we got 33 new members, but after 3 weeks...less than half are left...tsk tsk tsk...tough luck.But, im proud of my trainess.they are slowly learning my evil substance in debating.Bwahaha.!?! whew. anyways. We are hosting the incoming 18th Mindanao Parliamentary Debate Championships, and whew...preparations are killing me!whew...its really not that easy i tell you...tsk tsk tsk...

"Point sir!Isolation is different from separation!we are merely giving these sexual minorities an avenue or separate room to chikka!(?) not pick them all up and place them in a separate island and televise(?) them like in survivor!(?)" ((?); stands for not sure if I really did said these things.)

More!more!more rants! I pump man...yep...you heard me right...I pump!I pump iron!I go to the gym in a not so regular basis!hehe.dont blame it on me or tell me i dont have perseverance. Im a student!i need to have time for school*cough*blogging*cough*. I also have a diet plan which i follow. which i would like to keep as secret and soon sell it in the internet when it becomes effective with me and i would earn lots and lots of kaching!kaching! I would name my Diet then as *tentenenen~tenen! "Macho~te Diet Program: ang diet ng mga machong machete!" I know it sounds funny, and yes...I can see that smile of interest in your face! Im looking for people to try my diet program!dial 1-800-000-machote. call now!

"hammer and chisel needed for this workout. a huge knife and some suction devices are also necessary.We advise you see a carver before proceeding with this workout.all carved flesha cant be regained if mistakenly carved.Use the Big knife wisely...you dont want to cut just anything..."

ok...I guess its time to end this ranting...this post is getting too long already...ill end it now... ok?..ow wait...I remember.got some more rants i forgot.you wouldnt mind reading some more dont you?I know you wont mind...hehe.read on will you?if you dont...ill make your skin my furniture and your bones my milk!raaagh!

Here it goes!Ranting mania!woohoo!!!I miss someone sooo bad right now...yep...soo much...I miss a very important person...the worst thing is that we might not see each other for the next four years...tsk tsk...tough luck...life is unfair...(whoever told you its fair?)sigh. you know who you are!:D yes!you! you take care of yourself ok?its going to be a very long roller coaster ride...but ill make it through...kip safe.you know how special you are...:)

"I miss cloudhoppers... :("

Last rant for this post...im sick right now...:(...got colds and coughs and a terrible headache.Ill be emceeing the ms.College of Arts and Sciences anytime soon and I hope to emcee the Burn the Floor hip hop competition as well this july 27...hopefully. I didnt recieve any confirmation yet. Juhn Ray Quia~eo aka Jang2x! ako na ba talaga emcee nun?:D anyways...got no voice...slowly losing it...thats what im worried about...this will pass...this will pass...:)

"...shh... "(la nga ako boses diba?)

whew...got more rants but i guess ill be saving the others for my next post.hehe.teecee.

True Happiness - The Beauty in Pain.

2008-07-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

I love this song. ^_^... oh well. ill be ranting about happiness and the beauty in pain in this post.its 2:30 am and im still alive.whew.

What is happiness?I read an interesting post(gemini encounter) answering this question. She compared it to a billion-dollar diamond that is given to you as a child. as you grow old you get tired of this diamond. you found more colorful and bigger shiny objects and decided to throw away this diamond.only to realize its importance and value when it is already gone. So you go on pursuit of this billion-dollar diamond... and that is what she refers to as true happiness.When you finally found the billion-dollar diamond you actually achieve happiness and look at that diamondin a totally different way...It is like having second chances.like being given a new life.its like being reborn again.

I admire her brilliance actually for coming up with such analogy to compare the reality of things and how we seek happiness when we already lost it.

Yes Gabby, you are very brilliant indeed.and stop telling yourself you are not. ^_^

But I realized a question after reading the post...indeed that moment of finding your lost billion-dollar diamond is very rewarding and truly a big sign of happiness and change...I ask the question...What if...What if you cant or werent able to find your long lost billion-dollar diamond?What would become of you?Would you be forever sad?Would you forever be left in misery? Here goes the great part...I realized something more... There is no assurance of finding what is already lost.

True Happiness happens or materializes the moment you realized what you have lost and took pursuit of this happiness again...But when all else fails...Misery is not the option...rather it is the act of acknowledeging the fact that "YOU" once had a billion-dollar Diamond that became a very important part of your life. This billion-dollar diamond would be in other people's hand now...atleast,Other people would be able to experience or appreciate the happiness of having a billion-dollar diamond.

difficult.but needed.Life doesnt end when your happy.When you have actually self-actualized yourself.The act of becoming a beacon of light and hope to others should become your next priority. The world dont owe us anything.rather we owe the world everything.True happiness is when the happiness you realized is channeled to others as well.

it boils down to being optimistic actually.The defense mechanism of sublimation can atest to the fact that it is indeed possible. We should be afraid of pain.hell.war.or all this negative stuff. There is beauty in pain. Recognition of happiness happens when pain surfaces and the urge to be happy is awakened. The admiration and goal to go or experience heaven is felt when we are in hell. The ultimate goal of war is Peace.Negativity kills...so smile...it helps...trust me...

Sublimation: Transformation of negative emotions or instincts into positive actions, behavior, or emotion

2008-07-06T10:46:00.000-07:00

Smile dear...

its my hidden paradise

to Love you...

Ill give up to no price

its 2:00am philippine time.Im awake.Im alive.Im tired.Im lost.but Im happy.*sigh*

There are things that just need to be done and realities that need to be faced.It may be difficult but it was never said to be impossible.Im 2km away from home right now but I got no worries.My Muscles are aching so bad but im at peace.Im missing everything but this temporary paradise soothed my soul. Im sure for the first time in 2 weeks ill be able to sleep with a smile once again in my face.I found my piece of heaven...again...

Defense Mechanism On!kzzt...tnx freud.

The computer manifestation of my mind... www.manifestme.com

2008-07-06T06:27:00.000-07:00

!@#$%^&*()ASFVZXBHLUOPWWQETGNBGHG!@#$%#&*()@#$%^*(FH!@##^*JSDGJKAASRGHKO!@!$@%HSD!@!@#$^%&%*)&)E%SDGKJJFSDGG$@#!%$!@#GHGJHLSDV@#$@^$*)SDGSYHFISCGDHTDFGHDR^!@$@^$&$^*%&(^IG@$&B@$%&N@$@$%^@$%*^(&*(@#$@%#%^$&$VTRTUTYIM$@@#$@%@^&*%&*TGERYTETU$^&#%@%@$$^^(&*)&*@#$@#%$^&%^*&^&(^&HERYERYH$%@%EJFKTUIO@$@$%SDGERYRU$%&^$%&%&(!@#$%^&*()ASFVZXBHLUOPWWQETGNBGHG!@#$%#&*()@#$%^*(FH!@##^*JSDGJKAASRGHKO!@!$@%HSD!@!@#$^%&%*)&)E%SDGKJJFSDGG$@#!%$!@#GHGJHLSDV@#$@^$*)SDGSYHFISCGDHTDFGHDR^!@$@^$&$^*%&(^IG@$&B@$%&N@$@$%^@$%*^(&*(@#$@%#%^$&$VTRTUTYIM$@@#†IDONTKNOWWHYTGERYTETU$^&#%@%@$$^^(&*)&*@#$@#%$^&%^*&^&(^&HERYERYH$%@%EJFKTUIO@$@$%SDGERYRU$%&^$%&%&(!@#$%^&*()ASFVZXBHLUOPWWQETGNBGHG!@#$%#&*()@#$%^*(FH!@##^*JSDGJKAASRGHKO!@!$@%HSD!@!@#$^%&%*)&)E%SDGKJJFSDGG$@#!%$!@#GHGJHLSDV@#$@^$*)SDGSYHFISCGDHTDFGHDR^!@$@^$@^&*%&*TGERYTETU$^&#%@%@$$^^(&*)&*@#$@#%$^&%^*&^&(^&HERYERYH$%@†BUTISTILLHURT$@$%SDGERYRU$%&^$%&%&(!@#$%^&*()ASFVZXBHLUOPWWQETGNBGHG!@#$%FH†SOMUCHTGERYTETU$^&#%@%@$$^^(&*)&*@#$@#%$^&%^*&^&(^&HERYERYH$%@%EJFKTUIO@$@$%SDGERYRU$%&^$%&%&(!@#$%^&*()ASFVZXBHLUOPWWQETGNBGHG!@#$%#&*()@#$%^*(FH!@##^*JSDGJKAASRGHKO!@!$@%HSD!@!@#$^%&%*)&)E%SDGKJJFSDGG$@#!%$!@#GHGJHLSDV@#$@^$*)SDGSYHFISCGDHTDFGHDR^!@$@^$GJKAASRGHKO!@!$@%HSD!@!@#$^%&%*)&)E%SDGKJJFSDGG$@#!%$!@#GHGJHLSDV@#$@^$*†IDONTKNOWIFILOSTMYPLACE)!@#%^%^&%*%*SDGSYHFISCGDH!@##!%%^SDFS!@#GD!@#%^TGERYTETU$^&#%@%@$$^^(&*)&*@#$@#%$^&%^*&^&(^&HERYERYH$%@%EJFKTUIO@$@$%SDGERYRU$%&^$%&%&(!@#$%^&*()ASFVZXBHLUOPWWQETGNBGHG!@#$%#&*()@#$%^*(FH!@##^*JSDGJKAASRGHKO!@!$@%HSD!@!@#$^%&%*)&)E%SDGKJJFSDGG$@#!%$!@#GHGJHLSDV@#$@^$*)SDGSYHFISCGDHTDFGHDR^!@$@^$†ILOVEYOUBUTIDONTKNOWIGTGERYTETU$^&#%@%@$$^^(&*)&*@#$@#%$^&%^*&^&(^&HERYERYH$%@%EJFKTUIO@$@$%SDGERYRU$%&^$%&%&(!@#$%^&*()ASFVZXBHLUOPWWQETGNBGHG!@#$%#&*()@#$%^*(FH!@##^*JSDGJKAASRGHKO!@!$@%HSD!@!@#$^%&%*)&)E%SDGKJJFSDGG$@#!%$!@#GHGJHLSDV@#$@^$*)SDGSYHFISCGDHTDFGHDR^!@$@^$@$&B@$%&N@$@$%^@$%*^(&*(@#$@%#%^asdasdasd$&$VTRT†IFISHOULDSTILLDO%&*TGERYTETU$^&#%@%@$$^TGERYTETU$^&#%@%@$$^^(&*)&*@#$@#%$^&%^*&^&(^&HERYERYH$%@%EJFKTUIO@$@$%SDGERYRU$%&^$%&%&(!@#$%^&*()ASFVZXBHLUOPWWQETGNBGHG!@#$%#&*()@#$%^*(FH!@##^*JSDGJKAASRGHKO!@!$@%HSD!@!@#$^%&%*)&)E%SDGKJJFSDGG$@#!%$!@#GHGJHLSDV@#$@^$*)SDGSYHFISCGDHTDFGHDR^!@$@^$^(&*)&*@#$@#%$^&%^*&^&(^&HERYERYH$%@%†ILOVETOWAITBUTIDONTKNOW$%&^$%&%&(!@#$%^&*()ASFVZXBHLUOPWWQETGNBGHG!@#$%#&*()@#TGERYTETU$^&#%@%@$$^^(&*)&*@#$@#%$^&%^*&^&(^&HERYERYH$%@%EJFKTUIO@$@$%SDGERYRU$%&^$%&%&(!@#$%^&*()ASFVZXBHLUOPWWQETGNBGHG!@#$%#&*()@#$%^*(FH!@##^*JSDGJKAASRGHKO!@!$@%HSD!@!@#$^%&%*)&)E%SDGKJJFSDGG$@#!%$!@#GHGJHLSDV@#$@^$*)SDGSYHFISCGDHTDFGHDR^!@$@^$$%^*(FH!@†HOWMUCHLONGERHKO!@!$@%HSD!@!@#$^%&%*)&)E%SDGKJJFSDGG$@#!%$!@#†ICANENDUREHFISCGDHTDFGHDR^!@$@^$&$^*%&(^IG@$&B@$%&N@$@$%^@$%*^(&*(@#$@% the site i posted is a fake site.i made this up.teehee.

(O_o)

2008-06-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

POKER

A high stake gamble

win or die

played by countless

poker faced, I

Grab the chance

this fortune dont come twice

cut my wings

sell it for a price

the people stare

Sweat covered cards, I hold

I ripped the 7 of diamonds

meaningful soul, broken ten-fold

a final sip from a glass of ice cold beer

breathe in,breathe out

gamble raised to the extreme

flowing money, flowing sin, persisting doubt

an airconditioned room full of people

mixed stench,mixed emotions

looking back with closed eyes

living half alive aided by illusions

ten of hearts to ace of hearts

a royal flush to wing the game

cut the head of the king of hearts

let the queen have all the fame

all in!the bet was called

lay down your life!the people roared

I threw the cards and grabbed the knife

crimson red blood, painted the floor

The people say bleed!bleed!

must maintain the poker-faced mask I wear

pretend the slice dont hurt, gamble thy dear life

Tick~Tock

I would die,atleast I took the dare

I say bleed!bleed!blee~

The Beauty of Psychology part II ("I may be sad, but I was never Weak...")

2008-06-21T21:57:00.000-07:00

The Power of your Thoughts

(creating your own placebo)

Placebo is the so called illusion medicine. Its a fake medicine that gives real medicinal effects. The patient just needs to think that the placebo is the real medicine although it is not. an example of this is when a person is having a headache or something you give him/her a sugar pill(pill w/ sugar inside instead of medicine) instead of a real pain reliever without telling that person that its not a real pain reliever. The desired effect of being relieved of pain would materialize since the brain recieved the information without biological basis that the person drank a real pain reliever although it is not real.

The Placebo is a very powerful tool. It removes possible side effects and problems a real medicine could give while still gaining the desired effect.

The power of your thoughts is quite simple yet very difficult to understand. It is simply thinking what you want to materialize. immaterial things like pain,happiness,sadness,hope,love,and the sort could only materialize in two ways. if this emotions were manifested physically or emotionally through the environment or when you think and tell your mind that this emotions really exist.

"I think ___ therefore I am ___"

This is the simplest solution to this effect. A positive outlook is needed for this to work as well as a very understanding mind.

We all have a beautiful mind, a very powerful tool and weapon it is.

There are situations when you need to relive yourself from negative feelings like pain and sadness and it is in these situations that the power of your thoughts is needed to create your own placebo effect.Creating your own placebo is quite complicated.

1.)Identification

-You first need to identify the situation and feeling you want to negate and transform. Feelings of denial and confusion should be set aside. You need to learn to breathe in and relax and let the rational being within you take over. The first step to everything is to accept that there is something wrong.(ie.accepting you are emotionally hurt)

2.)Reflect

-Next you need to know how hurt or how much in pain are you. You need to assess how long this would take. If you can survive this or something. Then ask yourself the question why. The second step deals with knowing the roots of your problem.

3.)Placebo Application

-Lastly, you need to identify the opposite of the feeling you want to remove. (ie. Sadness/happiness , Guilt/Peace, etc.) After you have realized the counter emotion you want to apply, the most difficult part comes in. You have to make your mind believe you are feeling the opposite.(ie. If you are sad you have to think that you are happy) The initial part of telling your mind what it should feel is the only difficult part, once you are succesful in doing so, the rest will follow.

Explore your thoughts.Some pain are self inflicted.This placebo effect however is not adviseble to biological pains and sickness that needs real medical attention.

The Beauty of Psychology.

2008-06-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

Just want to share a piece of inspiration I learned from my Abnormal Psychology teacher Prof. Yusof Indin.

Never dwell in the past for in the past. regret,guilt,anger,pain, and sadness are the only emotions found in the past.

Never look forward the future so much for Exitement is never always good for you. It brings about Anxiety and stress.

In the present, no past nor future exist. the present is the most important thing.For in the present, happiness exist.

Happiness in the context of the past is a sort of illusion. A feeling you want to experience again. And dwelling here would only lead to regret or sadness for not being in the state of happiness in the present while reminiscing the past happiness.

Happiness in the context of the future is somewhat ambitious. A big wat if. this big question of what if is the main reason for anxiety to take place and bring stress to your life. And could also be the source of regret or disappointment if this expectation of happiness fails to materialize.

Stay in the Present. Keep what makes you happy in the present. The human mind is not supposed to be used to dwell on something that is not beneficial to the well being of a person.

The beauty of the human mind is so amazing to be wasted...Only mankind was given the chance to think and comprehend. But its a waste to see mankind waste the power of such a beautiful mind.

"Think Beyond"

Learn from the past. Hope for the Future. But always live for the present.

The way I define my Faith.- and something to brighten up your day. ^^

2008-04-22T02:17:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to just simply post this pic because of one simple reason...I'm proud...yes I am proud... I'm a Youth for Christ and having your pic in the center and focused this well in the official website of the Youth for Christ would really make you proud. (Thats me pointing up in the middle.wearing black.)

Oh no,dont define what im doing now as being boastful...Im just proud, and there is nothing wrong with being proud.Its our God-given right of being proud. The way Nelson Mandela states it...

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are we NOT to be? You are children of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.

This is the beauty of faith. Im posting this coz im proud that ive been placed in a pedestal because of my faith to God. Our God is an Awesome God... who am I to be ashamed of it.

~~~~~~~†shatteredangel†~~~~~~~~

Grabbed from Gemini Encounter it brightened up my day.so I decided not to be selfish and share it to everyone else. ^^ (gabby, pa grab ng story ha.tnx.)

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy. "Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."

The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.

Wisdom of Road Signs

2008-04-13T02:29:00.000-07:00

Quite a twisted week this is. This week was full of wisdom. It started out normal and tiring.

Summer class was up, I realized how important and "costly" education really is.

Then, Money matters, I accompanied my mom around fixing things in our land under the agrarian reform.The government is buying it. then,I realized how difficult it is to look for money.

Then came next is the best thing…I got a new phone!:p its an iPhone N85. Then I realized how wonderful parents are.

But, the saying that what comes up must go down really is true. Because this week didn’t all go smoothly… I reached a dead end…a dead end Id rather discuss privately… but came the most unexpected thing…a text message from a friend with the following quote.

"I love Dead End signs...they are so kind...they are decent enough to tell you that you are going nowhere."

This is a quote I stumbled upon lately...came in perfect timing...came almost like a music note in heavenly tune.The quote was so optimistic I smiled at the brilliance of the idea alone. It states one simple truth. Honesty really is brilliant.

Road signs such as the Dead End are full of wisdom really… it’s a matter of understanding decisions… It’s a matter of looking beyond the box. Its beyond optimism… Its Understanding. We mosly feel bad reaching dead end signs feeling that we wasted time but the truth is we should be glad because this signs didn’t let us reach the dead end itself. I consider the Dead end sign as one of the most brilliant ideas now.

This is all…ciao.till next post…got lots of ideas right now…too much ideas…

Megalomania~bow down!

2008-04-06T22:03:00.000-07:00

I woke up today and realized something.Its one of those mornings wherein you would suddenly feel that there is a cartoonic lightbulb that suddenly pops out over your head. I woke up at around 6:15an and pretended to be asleep till 830 am, talk about being lazy and tired. I felt like this day was going so slow...pretty slow compared to other days. I stood up and started dreaming bout how my day would become and how my superhuman intervention to the world would affect it.Then I realized, I live on repeated fantasies.

*sigh* Is megalomania that bad? yes...I realized im a megalomaniac. A person having illusions of power and prestige. Its not just about standing tall its about acting tall. Its great to pretend that your powerful and stuff like that but the scary thing is when you actually believe that you are. Thats when the illusions of power come in.

"Power OverWhelming!!!" Bow down to me.I am capable of devastating power. I can kill you and torment you with my mind!" -such an illusion I always say.

The Expected reaction from me would be to stare down and deny all this...but I guess I have to accept the fact I really am a megalomaniac. I just have to find another way to look at it.~God made us powerful and brilliant in his image, and who are we not to manifest it anyway?

"Hadoukenn! Souryoreppa!"

Poetic Assertions

2008-04-06T06:02:00.000-07:00

CLICK ME!!!

I wont be posting my poems in this blog anymore...whew...I want to organize things.I posting it in a separate blog so that this blog would be solely for...err...blog entries...haha. btw. that annoying thing above that says click me is actually a hyperlink.and yes you have to click it... Where does it lead to? have you not been reading? just click it! got a new poem over there entitled Dead Poet. tnx! and yes again you have to click that dang thing above.

Some Internet reading of the meaning of my name...so true...

2008-04-05T23:44:00.000-07:00

What Julio Czar Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience.
You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.
But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Poetic Nonsense

2008-03-27T05:54:00.000-07:00

Oxygen

Love,LiveCry

no more

running water

unfixed mirror

Wake,Stand

never weak again

Cracked floor

broken man

Walk,run

against the wall

blowing wind

unending fall

rise,fly

beyond the skies

infinite fantasy

deadly dice

crouch,hide

behind the mask

hidden tears

poison flask

Cry,Die

Stumble down

broken reality

tarnished crown

WHAT IS LOVE?

2008-03-22T00:50:00.000-07:00

3 hours of editting other peoples poems and short stories...I am so tired.sigh...might as well share this stuff.got this from Gemini Encounter.I find it kewl...and true in some way.

WHAT IS LOVE?
1. Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And is your voice caught within your chest?
• It isn't Love, it's Like.

2. You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?• It isn't Love, it's Lust.3. Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
• It isn't Love, it's Luck.

4. Do you want them because you know they're there?
• It isn't Love, it's Loneliness.

5. Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
•It isn't Love, it's Loyalty.

6. Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don't want to hurt them?
• It isn't Love, it's Pity.

7. Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
• It isn't Love, it's being Unconfident.

8. Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
• It isn't Love, it's Infatuation.

9. Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
• It isn't Love, it's Friendship.

10. Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
• It isn't Love, it's a Lie.

11. Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
• It isn't Love, it's Charity.
--------------------------

1. Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
• Then it's Love.

2. Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
• Then it's Love.

3. Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?
• Then it's Love.

4. Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?
• Then it's Love.

5. Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
• Then it's Love.

6. But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?
• Then it's Love.

7. Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
• Then it's Love.

The world in black and white

2008-03-16T05:07:00.000-07:00

Body aches, head hurts, runny nose, exams tommorow...what could get better than this.haha. Might as well put my time to good use by writing another blog entry.

Ive seen the world in full colors and even sepia too...but nothing compares to seeing the world in black and white...no colors....no complications...no emotions... no hate...no love...a utopian world... A world similar to the movie equilibrium where everyone living was required by law to take a drug that supresses human emotion because of one reason....they say that the source of pain and crime in the world...is human emotion selfishness,envy,hate,love, and stuff... How i wish i have a drug like that...

Why you may ask?simple...to be able to deal with the world...

Its a great relief...

to be able to stand and look at others when everyone is dying...

to be able to avoid crying when you yourself is bleeding...

to be able to suffer no more the imperfect world...

now wouldnt that be great...but what are emotions really for? are they merely a source of pain and suffering? Well recently i started to believe otheriwise...for the greatest joys of life...can be found in these imperfect emotions... and now I start to live my life with a full blast of colors...may it be dull, dark, gloomy, sunny, bright or what...its life...and I would love to experience every pain and joy of it...no more black and white pictures...

Masquerade

2008-03-15T21:57:00.000-07:00

Finally, a real blog entry.no more poems. no more rhymes. Its been awhile since i last wrote something in this emotive, preoccupied, and confused blog. An hour from now, I would be having my Statistics class, and its palm sunday,geez... but enough bout that time to get to business...

Its been a long time since the day i stood up and left the masquerade and joined the people in the streets. It felt so good to have nothing covering your face, no masks, just your own little existense. Its a very relaxing feeling i tell you... soo relaxing its too scary to be true. People say removing the mask makes you real, but being real doesnt mean its better. I have countless masks...

When Im at school I wear a mask filled with colors, a mask painted with rainbows, a mask pleasing to others eyes. I am a social person, a person who easilly fits in a given crowd. People like me, Teachers think im smart, they say i could be a great leader and be a great person someday. But, then again, its not me. For I never liked too much company, I never liked laughing much, I never liked to be looked upon. I never liked standards of how you should live life, but reality tells me that in society...it is necessary for you to fit in, to reach the standards and be accepted. Soon the colors of this mask shall fade...but before that happens, ill use it to reach the standards...and when im on top...ill change it...then the world shall revolve in my palm...

A blank mask creates the illusion i need when people starts to get to know me...They see nothing..They see just eyes, and hear just words...no emotions...no nothing...just a blank face staring back, talking back... You might think im scared or what...but believe me...It is necessary... Its been only a few times when this mask was removed by someone...those people i call not friends...but rather blessings... For they took time to see beyond the shadows and behind the mask....someday, this mask shall be removed and placed in a box...and that day...would be the day this little red beating thing in my chest would stary trusting...

It is a logical sin to assume that being real means being true and that being true means being better... The world is imperfect...and so am I...

Nunc Scio Quit Sit Amor

2008-01-26T05:25:00.000-08:00

Nunc Scio Quit Sit Amor

Lost in the Valley of illusions

Deluded by Fate

A soul who blindly Pursued

Realization came too late

Trapped in a form of a Phantasm

such a feeble mind

Devoured alive by Phantoms

Hope came, The deceitful kind

Burnt wings I carried

Stumbling to heaven's door

only to be shattered, rejected

Death was the only choice nothing more

A testimony of imperfection

A kiss That touched Death's hand

Such a metaphoric act

To write Promises on the sand

Nunc Scio Quit Sit Amore

"Now I know what love is..."

5 chapters of Darkness

2008-01-26T04:53:00.000-08:00

Chapter 1

"Doubt"

I doubted my abilities

by not doing what I can do best

I chained myself to a wall

and will never be free like the rest

I doubted myself

by wearing a coward's mask

I hid myself with lies

and will never be able to do any task

I doubted my Heart

Believing I am worth no one

I pierced my heart with thorns

and will never be able to love anyone

I doubted my Life

by denying my existense now and then

I isolated myself from reality

and will never be able to live again

I doubted my whole world

I doubted Everything

I was fooled that doubting was searching

Such doubt made me fear everything

Chapter 2

"Fear"

I fear the Darkness

The Darkness of my heart

I did not risk to love

Such a complicated Art

I fear the images

Chimera in my mind

I did not risk to see

for I thought there is none to find

I fear the silence

Silence of my tears

I did not risk to listen

I decided to close my ears

I fear the Animosity

The bitterness of life

I did not risk to taste it

Everything is full of strife

I feared my own existence

Shivering with the coldness of demise

These fears made me bleed

bleed failures i dont need

Chapter 3

"Failure"

I failed to subsist

and live life to the fullest

I regret denying my existence

My life's pains so endless

I failed my Persona

Someone drenched with lies

I regret wearing a mask

such a deadly game of dice

I failed my limits

Evading my own abilities

I regret Chaining myself in a mirage

I created my own frailties

I failed my heart

a heart turned to stone

I regret not loving

Glorification with a False Crown

I failed yet succeeded...

Succeeded to be Mediocre

Everything is now Crimson Red

as I get overpowered with Hatred

Chapter 4

"Hate"

I hated my Doubts

a foolish act for nothing

a sign of my great fall

I neglected what life could bring

I hated my fears

An excuse fit for cowards

The start of my great fall

I was hindered to go forward

I hated my failures

This punishment I am worth

The peak of my Great fall

I was judged harshly by Destiny

I hated myself

A man who lost all Heaven

The End of my Great fall

I only deserve to be forgotten

I hated so much

Such a Painful Ending

As the Devil in the pale moonligt dances

I lost all sense, I am slowly Dying

Chapter 5

"Sense"

I was blinded by darkness

blinded by lies...

but you showed me the light

and ended my cries

I was silenced by anger

anger from pain...

but you taught me how to speak

like the fierce thunder within a gentle rain

I was deafened by cries

cries of suffering...

but you showed me how to listen

with no more fear nor doubting

I was suffocated by Enigmas

Confusion and Guilt...

but you showed me how to breathe

A paradigm of hope we have built

I was numbed by loneliness

My heart was lonely...

but you have comforted me

By promising you will never leave me

I Doubted, Feared, Failed, and Hated

Death was certain

Hope was a Caustic Friend

My suffering no more, My journey ended.

Poetic Assertions

2008-01-26T00:29:00.000-08:00

A Jester's Plea to the Rose

you have weaved dreams in my life

Showered colors and light

The days started growing longer

and the feelings go stronger

I may have been a dull man

Having a wooden heart

but blood flowed through me

because of promises that well never part

Once again this dead angel took flight

seeking for your sweet kiss

allow me to fly with you in your dreams

for thy love shall be my ultimate bliss

This world will witness a new life born

a miraculous healing of a living tragedy

And thus if your love shall send me to heaven

Love me...ill Die Happy

SinFul

2008-01-23T22:15:00.000-08:00

Sinful

Heaven seeker, I am.

a pilgrim in flight

Weaving untold dreams

under brilliant startlight

Death sayer, I am

a beast released

Running from broken pasts

longing for the sinful kiss

A Magus, I am

a Jester masked with colors

dodging distant glances

dancing in remorse

An Angel, I am

judgement in one of my rings

come fly with me...

come shelter in my wings

quod orbis terrarum est meus own.

2008-01-16T06:05:00.000-08:00

volubilis universitas! volubilis Quod sic orbis terrarum volubilis. Is est in meus misericordia quod EGO sum sator. EGO partum somnium quod attero somnium. EGO sum ultimate mechanic. peice per piece ego effrego down res quod piece per piece ego loco is tergum. EGO can manipulate quisquam. tamen pectus pectoris ut subsisto pulsus , EGO cannot fixed. EGO sum quos diabolus tripudio per in stilus moonlight. luna of deceptio EGO have partum. Etiamnunc is partum attero mihi. Quod orbis terrarum est meus own. EGO sum

10 things about me

2007-12-06T06:54:00.000-08:00

well I got this Idea from the Visayas debate forum and I guess it deserves to be posted here. Its going to be a long read people!so brace yourself!teehee...

1.I love Death I love death so much that I’m actually looking forward to my own(not necessarily that I want to die)I actually made a plan of my own funeral and I’m planning to have a living funeral. Sweeeet eh?

2. Id rather save Liquor than my own life Whew…can’t believe this either…but real life circumstances told me everything.hehe. There was one time wherein I was in a party drinking with some friends and family members when this military guy’s gun was being forcefully taken from him and the nozzle was pointed at me about 4-5 meters away. Everyone was panicking and the first thing that came into my mind? “Save the imported oh so expensive Cognac!” and I was like holding it tightly so that It wont get lost and was watching the scene smiling as if nothing dangerous would happen to me while holding the bottle. sweeeet eh?

3. Im the most Optimistic Person you’ll ever know. I laugh at problems thinking that they are worth laughing at, eat at hell saying that it’s a challenge, almost die and say it’s just a test of faith. Whew…too much looking at the bright side of life. I once told my partner in debate during my first IISDC 2005 after taking the stairs to the 26th floor because it was a brownout, double checked for bombs, apparently questioned for overcrowding one room which is good for 2 by 5 people, lost walking kilometers in the brownout wilderness of URBAN CITY Manila specifically Makati, and not breaking into octos. Hey! You got to admit! You never experienced that whole your life! Experiences like these are hard to get by these days.better treasure it. with a big grin.”

4.I have a very volatile and destructive outbursts If killing people in my mind would put me to jail then I’m guilty of Genocide. I mean…Im not evil im just…well evil inside? sweeet eh? There was one time wherein I was so bursting with anger that I was able to rush inside a classroom that is not mine during class hours with a teacher inside and grabbed the leg of the **shole and dragged him off his chair and outside the door and slapped this piece of broken umbrella (the broken metal handle) that until now I cannot remember where I got at that moment before being restrained and brought to the principals office. And the best thing? My parents don’t know about it!:D Bwahahahaha:twisted: suuuweeeeet eh?

5. I grew up with a computer in my hands. From Famicom,Sega,NES,Super NES,PS,Gameboy,PS2,laptop,PC,cellphone,etc.basically anything that has a game in it…I could live all day playing. Romance of the Three kingdoms for example took my whole summer life of 2005. playing at 10am eating while playing all positions from standing to sitting to lying even sleeping one time tnx to the power of masking tape placed strategically on the X button for confirm.hehe.then I would end up when I would hear my aunt starting the washing machine which is about 530am then sleep…then wake up at 10am!weee.!sweet eh?

6.Im a super-multi-tasking-stressfull-overly –hyper person. I love being overly stressed out and pressured…it makes me tingle and smile. Ive got 7 Organizations! and Im proud to say that Im handling them near perfectly with almost complete attendance and such. 1.USM S.W.O.R.D(Supreme World of Objective Reasoning and Debating) 2.Youth for Christ-Community Leader 3.Asia-Wide Youth for Biodiversity-Founding Member in our school.among first 100 members in the whole philippines. 4.Psychology Society-Active Member(aspiring society President)

5.University Teen Center-Bonafide Member 6.University Dramatics Guild-Bonafide Member 7.University of Southern Mindanao Stutend Peer Counselors Organization-College of Arts and Sciences Division President

7.Im an Internent-Spider(spends a lot of time surfing the net.) Ive got like…multiple game accounts. Ragnarok,FLYFF,GGclient,WarRock,Perfect World,Supreme Destiny,VanRo,Tantra,Gunbound,AuditionPH,O2Jam,etc. a member of multiple forums!although some forums im in are not that active. http://www.mpdu.tk/ http://www.visayasdebate.tk/ http://www.theusmsword.tk/ http://www.lokalista.tk/ http://www.thestorycircle.tk/ etc.

8.Im a Magician… Magician I mean like David Blain,Criss Angel and stuff…its just that it takes long for me to actually get into the mood of doing magic.Street Magic that is.Cards stuff,coins,levitations,etc.Im not the u.timate Magician though but a practitioner of the art. check my videos in youtube(www.vitaconvulsusangelus.blogspot.com)!more to come soon!

9.The Moon is my Love… well…I really love the moon…its so mysterious and magnetic and wonderful and dramatic and scary and…everything…its so fascinating…I cried before when I witnessed my first ever Moon Bows.(Rainbows of the moon.)I once stared at the Hunter’s Moon(Big yellow Moon often called new moon) for hours. I even talk to the moon before…its kinda like my blogspot before.hehe.Shes like…hmm…a Silent Friend…Always receiving all my emotions but never ceasing to listen…whew…so EMO…

10.My body Clock is Weird. Normal Sleeping time for me is 3am 1am is already early for me.normal wake up time is 11am 7am is waaaay too early.I could stay awake for days and I do mean days.judging that Im doing something (refer to #6) and still doing something for days…and still busy and stressed…id be awake…like now…3am and still awake… The longest time I was awake I guess was four days…I guess…that was after my Graduation in Highschool… 1st day whole day family celebration+doing Various stuff till 5am 2nd day 8am-530pm Mall Trip 8pm-2am(davao closes at 2am dang!) davao touring(laag) and all kinds of stuff with some friends. 3rd day 2am-11am Movie Marathon (Troy,Kingdom of Heaven,equilibrium,and some horror film I cant remember.) after lunch-430pm something I cant remember…(texting I guess) bout 8pm-7am Gaming Marathon with some friends sa Boyztrek 4th day 9am-530pm Samal Island-Isla Reta with classmates 7pm-4am Grad Party at Classmates house 5th day 6am-10am I toured the whole Juna Subd. in Matina sa Davao!!!la magawa eh.ahehe… 12pm-530pm travel to Matalam(my hometown) that night I was able to sleep coz there arent any places to go to at night in our place.

wooow…five days pala un… well this is me…:Dsweeet eh?

Welcome to the Philippines?!?

2007-12-05T05:08:00.000-08:00

Dec. 29, another historical mark in our country.heres the deal. During the trial of the magdalo soldiers on their case of mutiny and atempted mutiny for brig. gen. Lim an unexpected event happened. After the defense have asked questions for Lim the court went to a reccess.After the reccess its the prosecutions turn to cross examine,but it never reached that part. From the back Faeldon, a member of the magdalo approached Lim and said "Sir,tayo na." and stood up and started walking away.

The Justice Pimentel shouted out to the guards and escorts that "Dont let Gen. Lim to go out!" but the crazy thing is all the guards and escort just watched.Only two dared to ask and stop them but they were shrugged off easilly.It was going easy and looked plan from the start being able to reach the ground floor with little to no resistance whatsoever.

Next Scene, The streets of Makati. -Traffic was halted by uniformed officials -blocked by unidentified cars. -people were asked and persuaded to join."Kailangan kayo ng bansa nyo!samahan nyo kami!" these lines were mentioned. All over this the press followed.until they reached their next destination.HOTEL PENINSULA. rushing inside.without care for anything or the properties of the said hotel it is here that they made their so called "Stand-off". On the Government' Side. immediate reaction? "Send the PNP!not the ARMY!they might join them!" What happened next? tanks appeared. The Special Action Forces arrived. Guests of the hotel evacuated. Front gate machined gunned with 60 rounds to weaken the wall by a tank. front door banged by tank to be destroyed. hotel teargassed. Magdalo surrendered. Bishops of the church also arrested. Mediamen arrested. All this happened in one day.All part of the so called Democracy and freedom of expression. But do we really know what is Democracy?one clear thing is that the power of the people is absolute.but the rule of law is a safeguard restriction.so which should be followed?the rule of law?or the power of the people? welcome to the philippines...Happy Bonifacion Day. †Shattered.Angel†

The Complete Chapters of my Shattered Heaven...

2007-06-27T06:19:00.000-07:00

poem I created for her...

Shattered Heaven

a fragile thing of unspeakable beauty... a tainted glass of unkown mystery... you mesmerize me...you blinded me... a cruel way of destiny...

like a shadow dancing in the light... like a the core of a jewel,untouched... my world is crumbling... I was lost...answers I was seeking...

like the rainbows of the moon... like the darkness of the sun... rare...once in a lifetime... I tried to reach...to figure...

I was lost...I was shattered...Everythings a blur...

SHATTERED HEAVEN

Darkness falls... Time stops... tears forever sworn to be hidden... I lament...stunned by a maiden...

Death chokes me... heaven rejects me... Im lost...nowhere to go... I reached...I failed...I fell...

Deafened by silence... Love was silent... no clues...no answers... full of questions...mysteries...unknown beauty...

Forever seemed to short for me... times running to fast... piece by piece I break down...

SHATTERED...

Shattered Heaven III

The Pieces reflect the whole

The soul slips away

No matter how hard I try...

I remain shattered

The pieces gathered

Destroyed for eternity

Lost in Oblivion

I am floating endlessly.

I no longer want to interfere

The cause is lost

my death already forseen

but my life remains unending

"The third and last part of my shattered heaven poem...hope she could read this...as to let her know...I hurt...I cry...but I wear a mask"

Angelus Pennae

2007-06-23T07:51:00.000-07:00

Angelus Pennae

"Angel Wings"

My sun has started to set... My moon has ceast to exist... My stars have lost its glistle... My life has lost its colors...

The love I offered wasted...

The time I sacrificed forgotten...

The chaos has overwhelmed me...

The heart stopped beating...

This Heart left shattered forever...

This Dreams failed to achieve...

This Life lost its meaning...

This Angel has lost its wings...

"This is Me... after everything...I gave to her..."

Nemo Mi Impune Laccesit!!!

2007-06-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

No one attacks me with impunity and gets away with it.... This line from the novel Cask of Ammontilado is perhaps the line that defines the anger and desire for revenge. Im all smiles I tell you...but im no saint...Im evil...Full of torturing thoughts and murderous desires...I am a cold-blooded killer..filled with the drowning screams of my victims...I am a creature of the night that dwells in the greatest fears of the people that fear me and despise me...I thirst for running blood...I bathe in anguish and suffering...I eat souls to satisfy my hunger for revenge.... I am EVIL...I am IMPERFECT...because I am human... Always expect me to be masked...feeding in every inch of fear I feel... Searching for a chance to strike... It's in my nature...It's in our nature...Brutallity is an act of coldness...but I guess im not warm-blooded...I speak words you shall hear echoing in your mind forever...words that shall break your own little world that tells you that everything would be alright... "Think Before you talk!" Or Ill rip away the very existense of your so called refuge...You may be strong but you are not invincible...The strenght of my fist might not be enough to destroy you,but I dont want to kll you with a gun pointed to your head or a knife across your neck...I want to see you beg for your dear life...I want to hold your breath in my own hands having the power to end it at will... My mask is my refuge...And you shall paint it with your own blood... You will see a person full of joy and laughters,but is ready to take away someone's...A person that is full of dreams yet willing to destroy other's...A person hoping for a better future,but nonetheless capable of destroying the future for revenge... Yes...you might despise me now dear reader...but this is me...and nonetheless you as well...This is our weakness as humans...our fragile beings hoping to be saved in the end and live eternally by being the ideal good not knowing that we are only fooling ourselves...It's not about being perfect and good in the end...but rather being able to do what is right that really counts...No matter how inhumane we are and animalistic our behavior is...The decision is still up to us...Let it overcome us...or Fight it and rather wear a mask to hide the pain and anger so as not to hurt others...but then again...everything has it's limits...and patience still runs out no matter how far... I am HUMAN...I am EVIL...but I am RIGHT...for I did what know was right...by not letting the evil in me overcome me... We are HUMANS...and saying that you are EVIL don't mean that you are WRONG...because sometimes...admitting your weakness and the truth about you is the right thing to do... So once again... I AM EVIL...I WEAR A MASK...I AM HUMAN...

My 2nd try

2007-05-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

My first Req Video for The Story Circle

2007-05-25T00:52:00.000-07:00

I lived...and died...and lived again...only to die again...but still I live...

2007-05-23T07:53:00.000-07:00

"its not in our daily lives that we realize the importance of life but in death."

sucks right?you gotta die to really live life.In my case however I never learn...I died several times and I keep going...and going...and going.... Among my many deaths though ive learned a lesson on each rebirth I have experienced.The most important?to GO ON!Im actually lucky I died a lot of times already for each time a better me is born. let me run it down to you...

1.)Death by rope "Friends are like ropes,they either help you get up and reach the peak...or hang you in a guillotine." the box-They say more friends means more fun!wee!..fak!I have gained a lot of friends some I thought to be true,even some I thought to last forever only to find out that I was putting my trust on some true...garbage... outside the box-A handful of true friends is better than a world of oblivious,fake,and unworthy friends.Let them die!I say.but give your life to the handfull who would also give theirs for you.harsh?that's life.

2.)Death by pedestal "Your family is your pedestal,they shall be your stepping stone...but also the heviest weight you shall carry." the box-Wishing I had a better family...richer?yah...better siblings?yah...closer family ties?yah...how would you feel to be pulled down and lose your dreams because of your own family?the feeling cud kill... outside the box-My family is IMPERFECT!and im starting to love it!perfection makes life boring.besides for every problem a family face it gets stronger.losing dreams?what would you do with it if you cant share it to your family.Scream your anger to your mom,to your dad,and to your brother/s and sister/s for all I care.let it out!it gets better in awhile.why?because they are your family...the world would neglect you and puke you out but family would always be there.;)

3.)Death by heart "the heart provides the best feeling you could have.It's decietful though." the box-hearthaches suck...and when i does,it sucks bigtime!how would you feel giving your entire heart to someone only to have it shred to pieces while you could only watch and die.try loving someone who cant be yours...the death is slow.try loving someone whom you thought loves you back...this death is like cancer...you realize it when its too late...eh?whatever way it is...its death by deceit... outside the box-false love and tragic lovestories has only one thing to be blamed for...US!we fail to see the difference sometimes between "TRUE LOVE" and "INFATUATION".We invest too much feelings on things we thought was true never leaving enough love for ourselves.If all was thrown away...at least there is still some love left for ourselves...too hard to do?trying and failing is better than watching a bullet blaze towards you without nudging a bit.

4.)DEATH BY CRUCIFIXION "The cross is the symbol of sacrifice and eternal life,but nonetheless its still death said with flowery words." the box-I have no faith nor religion before...the bible for me was a a big question mark.God was a questionable being.Destiny was in my hands.I live by my rules not by some priests sermons.shocking?I know...I even shock myself and ocassionally scare me when I think bout it... outside the box-they say the seeing is believing but the truth is...to believe is to see.Im now an active leader in YFC(Youth For Christ).ironic isnt it?someone who questioned God now lives and serves in his name.1 day and 1 night was all it took for me to change and realize all this...but 3 years past before I truly understood it.

Still scared of DEATH?I laugh at death now and eat it for lunch!Death mught hurt but the treasure it offers is far more rewarding...

"Death shall be the judgement,the pain,and the end...but it is not the finality of life."

questio ut exsisto donatus chance amore

2007-05-23T07:49:00.000-07:00

questio ut exsisto donatus chance amore seeking to be given the chance to love.

you created a gap between us.you tortured me with your presence coz I can only look at you.I torment in you silence not knowing what your thinking.dying in your smile for you smile not for me.I am falling in a deep pit everytime you look back for i know thats all the attention I can get from you...

ferrum of vita quod suus inevitable opera

2007-05-23T07:30:00.000-07:00

ferrum of vita quod suus inevitable opera

"the irony of life and its inevitable pains"

When life hits you hard with reasons...you need to decide...go...or stop... dammit...how come when you decided to give up life bombards you with reason to go on? arrghh...how come when you decide to go on life bombards tou with reasons to give up? its hard to be played with by destiny...

Life is such an unforgiving thing...It gives the hopes of everything yet takes it all away when you decide to seek it.

Take the human body for example and its main life source "Oxygen". Oxygen gives life to the human body and it is the main ingredient for a lot of body processes of a person.The only drawback is that...Oxygen...have this decaying factor that everytime we inhale...we decay...and you cant stop breathing coz u need it...In short...We need the very thing that kills us...

Life is meant to end...And the moment we hold on to it...we deny proper respect to our life...

"Lost obvius universitas of diligo"

2007-05-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

"Lost obvius universitas of diligo" A day of struggle and seeking for the right path... Chasing without knowing if you could catch up. I just wish that Im on the right path...That Im not falling for false hopes and daydreams that are impossible. Time seems to be Death who got his scythe on my neck.Life seems too short now...or should I say 24 hours...

Nunc Scio Quit Sit Amor...

2007-05-23T07:13:00.000-07:00

shit...life sucks...destiny has a way of giving what you wanted on tight and late times...why did this happen when everythings already too late...If I could just rewind life and go back in time..."Nunc scio quit sit amor..." Now I know what love is...

My Intro at The Story Circle

2007-05-22T08:50:00.000-07:00

†Vita convulsus Angelus† (Life of a Shattered Angel)

Im Julio Czar Monteron...currently an incoming 2nd year college student from The University of Southern Mindanao.I study currently in North Cotabato but Davao remains my one true home.

The First Draw of the Cards...

Im a card gamer for a very long time and has been introduced to some great card handlings as a kid, but only in my highschool days in ateneo de davao that i started to look at cards in a different way...in a way some people never thought possible.in a way most consider as magic.

It all began when I saw a simle trick in the net(mystical aces) and tried it at school. The trick was for me before just for fun.but after the reactions I recieved and the feeling of control that I experienced....I got addicted.Cards became my bestfriend thus it became my favorite card pharaphernalia.It is then that I looked at cards as an extension of my imagination not just a piece of paper or plastic.

The turn of the cards...

At school we were considered as the best:having gaining friends who do magic as well and popularity, All my knowledge came from my friends and the internet... for I got little or no access at all to any type of high quality magic before. I werent satisfied anyomore.I wanted to look for something I would consider as another stepping stone for a higher understanding of magic. I've been searching for it...for a long time...and few satisfied my thirst for quality magic... Magic is like a deck of cards...youll never know what you will get...or maybe we do...

Street Magic became my past time and I consider it as an escape from what I call "The reality of the joker" Its a term I made meaning that life like a joker is not with all the facepaints and laughs but when he no longer wears those. As a magician you can run wild your imagination...create a reality that people would want to understand.An understanding that could influence other's people about the realness of believing in things you never thought possible like dreams.

I dream to hold a deck in my hand and use it...not only for entertainment but for learning...

Im a born actor...and my stage is the streets...and my props are the cards...and the rest of the cast?the world.Patter is perhaps the most important thing in magic.I believe that Magic is 80% acting and 20% card handling.its how you draw your audience to believing that what you just did is real that matters not how much he or she is awed on the quickness of your hands...

"Never say its impossible...just do some patter..."

This is my story...What's yours?

-†ShatteredAngel†-

Julio Czar Monteron

ps. Never hold a deck in your hand...hold it in your heart...and the rest shall follow...